Overheard in the Halls, Episode Thirty-Three: Spring has Sprung

Jocular Junior: I can’t believe you did that!

Defensive Junior: Why not?

J.J.: You were dumpster diving. And ate it!

D.J.: Look, she tossed an unopened bag of chips and an unopened can of pop. You’d be stupid not to grab them.

J.J.: [incredulous] But they were in the garbage.

D.J. [irked] Unopened. That’s like, two dollars of snacks. Her discarded materials are my windfall profits.

Passing Senior: I’m gonna tell Mr. Ledger you said that.

D.J.: Go for it.

(Mr. Ledger is our economics teacher.)


Frustrated Freshman: I am so tired of this wind.

Mrs. Parabola [under the breath]: Tell me about it.

Sulking Sophomore: How come the wind only blows on track-meet days?

Me [under the breath]: Because you never pay attention to all the other days that end in “y.”

March has been a touch blustery. In other words, normal.


I am rounding the corner when I behold Sr. Scholastica [aka The Dean] addressing a young gent.

Sr. Scholastica: Where is your tie?

Young Gent: Um, my dad borrowed it?

Meanwhile, around the corner, Sr. Hygiene [school nurse] and Mrs. Omnisapientia [the secretary] are checking a young lady’s skirt length.

I continued on before I heard the rest of the discussion. Fast-forward fifteen minutes.

Bing,bing,bing. All eyes go to the Voice From Above, the PA system speaker.

Fr. Gonzales: All high school boys, come to the lunchroom. Repeat, all high school boys, come to the lunchroom.

Groan heard ’round the world: Uniform check!

My male students filed out, returning in ones and twos.

Not too much later, Bing, bing bing.

Sr. Scholastica: All high school girls, come to the lunchroom.

Everyone got a uniform check, whether they needed it or not.


Sr. Scholastica, Fr. Martial [the Headmaster] and Fr. Gonzales [travel coordinator and a few other things as well] have called a high-school faculty meeting.

Fr. Martial: It’s that time of year again.

Br. Vector: Cricket season?

Fr. Martial: That too. Contest season.

Unison faculty: Uuuuuuugggghhhhh.

Fr. Gonzales: So, band, orchestra and choir on the thirtieth and first. [reels off a list of departments and dates] Track will be whenever it is rescheduled for, but not on Good Friday or Maundy Thursday. And academics?

Sr. Mary Conjugation: The twentieth through the twenty-fourth.

Mr. Long-Slavic-Last-Name [after taking along sip from an enormous coffee mug] Could be worse. They could all be in the same week again.

Unison faculty: Uuuuuuggggghhhhh.

Mrs. Hankie: That was worse.


I am about departing the office after turning in work for a student who is ill at home. As I turn the corner I hear suspicious murmurs from behind a half-open fire door. I glance around the door and behold two students. I can see light, but not air, between them.

Me: Ahem.

Amorous undergrads: Yeep!

Me: What are you doing?

Sloppy Senior: Nothing, Miss Red!

Me: I think you need to be doing nothing in the lunch room with the rest of the high school.

They slink off, and I shadow them into the lunch room. Yea, verily, spring has arrived.


Whirrrrrr, thppt. Whirrrrr, thpppt. Whirrrrrr, thoooot.

All eyes turn to the copier.

Mr. L-S-L-N: What was that?

Fr. Gonzales: I don’t know. It’s not supposed to make that sound.

Miss Strings [pulls copies out]: It was the hole punch. The one we’re not supposed to use.

7 thoughts on “Overheard in the Halls, Episode Thirty-Three: Spring has Sprung

  1. LOL, ah yes, spring has sprung and the ‘sap’ is rising… And copiers are gonna do their ‘own’ thing, regardless of the instructions!

  2. Ah, spring. Skirt lengths for spring and high winds do not mix. The office has several ladies bemoaning the wind and their skirt length today – and one of us pants-wearing people were recruitied to carry things out to the dumpster, as we can carry and lift our arms without displaying our underwear to the entire world.

    • I have been known to remind the female half of my classes that tights and leggings are always appropriate (and are approved in the dress code). Especially on days with a High Wind Warning.

  3. Scheduling, oh yes:

    “The musical must be this weekend because Basketball Playoffs. You can make up the time lost because principal couldn’t make a decision on choice of musical. Handle it, handle it.”

    (Grumble): Wishes for an early exit or not making the playoffs. Basketball isn’t the mission.


    [Equivalent to wanting the football team bounced out of contention, unless you’re One-Hoss High, with exactly 18 men on the roster.]

    Skirts – usually junior high, but there’s the sophomore spurt. One day fine, two days later, *how* far above the knee? We bought them long, hemmed up then let down as needed. Daughter’s friends had it worse – volleyball players, both 6-footers. Didn’t know kilts came in that length.

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