There are some combinations of words in the English language that should predispose experienced hearers to, oh, back away slowly, then run upwind. Besides the famous, all-purpose, “I’m from the government and I’m here to help you!”
I will not admit to having said any of the following, but I have been on the receiving end of a few of them.
“I don’t need a torque wrench.” – Which was why the oil leaked, after three grossly over-tightened bolts crushed the gasket and caused it to crack, leading to a charming mess. Trying not to do more damage while removing the nuts, bolts, and gasket inspired still more Anglo-Saxon terminology. An air-hammer does not replace a torque wrench. This also applies to small people trying to remove lug nuts from a flat tire. Don’t be the [rude word] who tightens them thirty foot-pounds past the recommended level, “just in case.” My hand to Bog, I will hit you with the tire tool, after I start with a few licks from a 11/2 inch wrench.
“This won’t take long.” – We started trying to mount the engine at four PM, with plans to be done by four fifteen, so we could all beat Atlanta rush hour. An hour or so and a giant oil puddle on the floor later, we got the engine in the mounts. Even at the time, I knew that phrase was the kiss of doom. I have yet to be proven wrong.
“It’ll all fit just fine.” Because it all came in one small box/crate/shipping barrel. It never, ever goes back into just one small box/crate/shipping barrel. Or one bowl or Tupperware™. Whichever one you reach for will be just a little too small. Pots? Use one size larger, especially if it involves pasta or rice. Just trust me on this, whatever it is will expand to fill the space available + V, where V = one quarter to one third the volume of the original container.
“Ignore the light, there’s a short in the system that makes it come on.” No, the short was why the radio in my 2011 Tacoma came on at random intervals (known flaw not worth dealing with). The warning light comes on for a reason, especially if it is related to temperature or fluid levels. Truuussssssst me, you need to check the oil or hydraulic fluid level. It’s normal seepage until it isn’t. Motor vehicles should not leave little red puddles behind.
“It won’t spark that much, I know what I’m doing.” Using a grinder or welding torch in the open on a windy day is not a great idea. Using those tools while standing in dry grass on a windy day . . . Our first major fire of the year started from some [uncharitable epithet] welding in dry grass. Two houses, a high-school football field, at least a dozen sheds, Lord-only-knows fence posts and 13,000 acres of pasture and range later, firefighters managed to get the thing put out in the next state north. A dude using a grinder in the middle of a grassy area on the north side of Amarillo toasted thousands of acres and hundreds of evacuations. No, the garden hose won’t help when the winds are 35 MPH gusting 55.
“No worries, we’ll be well finished with the hike before the afternoon storms roll in.” – Goosh, crack-BOOM, goooosh. Drip, drip, drip. Clatter of chattering teeth. ‘Nuf said.