Overheard in the Halls: Part 21

Miss Verbum: Miss Red, a question.

Me: Yes, ma’am?

Miss Verbum: I see that the October Revolution will be in March. Can we move that a week?

Me: Yes ma’am, there’s some flexibility in the schedule.

Miss Verbum: Thank you. [walks toward the work room]

Puzzled Sophomore [to junior]: Huh?

Jaunty Junior: Teachers don’t have to make sense. We have to make sense.

P.S.: [still puzzled] Um, OK.

* * * * * * *

Fr. Garcia bustles in for religion class as soon as the bell rings. He nods to the material in the center of the board.

Fr. G: Can that be erased? I need to use the projector.

Me: Certainly, Father. [wipe, wipe, wipe]

Fr. G. [entering his pass code into the computer]: I’m exposing them to death today.

Me: You’re taking them to Taco Ptomaine?

Fr. G.: [laughing] Good one.

* * * * * * *

Frustrated Freshman: Why can’t I do a project on that topic?

Jaundiced Junior: Because I’ve tried, Silly Senior tried, and two more tried it. Both Sr. Scholastica and Mrs. Plen Aire both said no, capital letters, bold print.

F.F.: Drat.

What sort of project would the dean and art teacher both veto? I leave it to the imagination of the readers, because I did not ask.

* * * * * * * *

We’ve had candidates for an administration position in the diocese visiting St. Angus in the Grass School. All are clergy. I wandered into the work room around lunch last week.

Sr. Scholastica: So, Mr. Long-Slavic-Last-Name, what do you think of the candidates thus far?

Mr. L-S-L-N: [stirring his double-strength coffee] I’m having trouble telling them apart. They all dress alike.

Everyone groaned or rolled their eyes. Because it was Mass/ Chapel Day, the halls were dotted with clerical/convent black. With the occasional bit of brown (Franciscans. “Diversity hire.”) for variety.

* * * * * *

“Whrrrrrr-thppth. Whrrrr-thpth. Whrrrrr-thpth. BEEEEEEPPPPPP.”

Six pair of worried eyes turn to the big copier. Brother Vector approaches the machine, posture wary—as if ready to run. He peers at the control panel.

He relaxes.

“It’s just out of paper.”

Six sighs of relief greet his words.


29 thoughts on “Overheard in the Halls: Part 21

    • Just so long as it doesn’t get indigestion.
      Shut down by the Dean and the Art teacher?
      I weep for the younger generation’s lack of misdirection and carefully couched vagueness on specific points.
      (In my younger years, I… might have been kicked out of art class shortly after the teacher defined art as “anything that provokes an emotional reaction”.)

  1. What sort of project would the dean and art teacher both veto? I leave it to the imagination of the readers, because I did not ask.

    Catholic imagry in anime.

    • Especially if you want to do the Castlevania cartoon. I don’t consider Ellis a good sample for anime, and Romania is Orthodox for most Castlevania periods of interest.

          • Vatican Miracle Investigators is what would happen if the Congregation for the Causes of the Saints and the College of Relators were run by Mulder and Scully.

            Unfortunately, in this case, Mulder and Scully are two good-looking male priests (one Japanese, one European) who are drawn the same way as gay love comics, and the TV anime pushed that pretty hard (although staying deniable and on the side of celibacy). I don’t know about the light novels the anime was based on.

            The storylines are pretty much similar to most Japanese mystery shows about religious group settings, but occasionally they get some good stuff in there. Yeah, the Church is basically good, but there are all these religious outposts of gullibility, huge budgets, and hidden nefariousness. Very Gothic “had I but known,” also, but with some nice clues here and there.

            Also, the Vatican has a lot bigger budget for investigation, and it’s usually not about dead saints. So it’s lucky that they are also exorcists (to the extent of practically having magical powers).

        • Yeah, I’m a little familiar with that, enough that I’m glad I’m not trying to integrate it into my current mess.

          My current mess is a little bit tied to the very near future, at basically the current tech level. Space travel and that degree of nanites would be a problem.

          Was pleasantly surprised to find some public information on Air Force research interests that includes the same sort of microwave/RF interaction with neural tissue that Kayaba would have needed, maybe even the sort he would have needed to be doing now.

          I’m very glad I’m not trying to do Hellsing for it. It is a wee bit nihilistic for the mood I want, and a bit too hard to justify organizationally.


            Damnit, I miss Alucard and Anderson’s ham to ham combat. The fact the two of them can’t NOT punch each other in the face even when the latter is offering help is hysterical to me. I can’t remember if we have the OAV series. If we don’t, I need to get it.

            (Rough guess: Kayaba? Serial Experiments Lain?)

      • More seriously, The Action Bible is quite good. The CDC teacher for our parish pulled me to one side– she was expecting REALLY bad after stories of our prior parish– and complemented the girls on their knowledge of ‘Biblical figures’.

      • I’m actually in plotting purgatory, at least I hope it is purgatory, for a fanfic I started over a year ago involving Index.

        Part of the design intent is ‘how about combining all these soft religion anime, into a fanfic that is at least a little bit hard religion, and authentic to actual believers’? Hard religion in the sense of hard science. Like how in Freer’s Shadow of the Lion, etc, you really feel that when (some of) the Clergy warn people, their souls could be in mortal peril. I wrote a long thing early on identifying three axes of hardness of religion in storytelling. So Index, Nasu, Tokyo Ravens, Campione, Castlevania (the games, not the Ellis cartoon), maybe DxD, Magic Kaito, plus stuff like Hakuouki, SG1 and Nanoha, which won’t be anywhere near as hard to integrate into a plausible model of Christianity.

  2. Worked in a small office with a networked “Printer of Doom.” Apparently possessed by a minor demon with a hatred of our least tech savvy user. The rest of us has no problems printing documents, but when “John” would print a time critical, or large document the printer would find creative ways to avoid printing “John’s” work until someone else could (temporarily) exorcise the curse.

  3. Snerk… I can only admire your ‘persistence’ and willingness to put up with the studii… 🙂

    • I would not be at all surprised to come in some morning and find a little offering bowl near it or incense burning beside it.

      • Incense and votive candles, and the little offering bowl. XD

        Apparently it was common practice to keep a broken computer that had been violently… chastized, shall we say, sometimes with a fire axe… near the servers. Pour encourager les autres. XD

        • Yes. Every time someone wants to call in one of the Big Guns to exorcise the copier, Fr. Pax and the financial boss point out that if it works, and the copier vanishes in a puff of brimstone, it will violate the terms of the lease. We’ll have to pay to replace it. And the idea gets dropped for a few months. 🙂

  4. Clearly, you need to set up some intercession for that poor overworked copier.

    There’s St. Theodore of Cyrene, a bishop and scribe who was martyred under Diocletian for refusing to surrender his handwritten copies of the Scriptures.

    And of course there’s always St. Catherine of Alexandria. And there’s a St. Mohammed the Scribe. And there’s always St. Columba, the guy who copied fast on the sly.

    Or my guy Bl. Oveco de Valcovado, who was one of the scribe/illuminators who did a copy of Beatus’ Commentary on the Apocalypse. They have a reliquary of his hand and forearm at the Hermitage of the Virgen del Valle, in Saldaña.

    Or you could just set up an office statue of Mary or Joseph or Jesus to keep an eye on things, although there are probably already crucifixes galore, all over the place.

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