Overheard in the Halls: Part 20

Miss Vestal [speaking to Sr. Scholastica, aka The Dean]: I did not realize that Saturnalia would fall on Friday the 13th and a full moon.

Sr. Scholastica: I will speak with Fr. Pax about exorcising the school afterwards. [Thoughtful pause] I suspect we need one anyway. It’s that time of year.

Miss Vestal: Yes, Sister.

* * * * * *

Brother Vector [singing as he makes copies]: It’s beginning to look a lot like finals, everywhere we go. There’s a line for the copier, and textbooks are open, and papers are falling like snow.

Students are slinking past the workroom door, looking increasingly morose.

Mrs. Hankie [junior high counselor]: That’s rather demoralizing, Brother V.

Mr. Long-Slavic-Last-Name: But true.

* * * * * * *

Frustrated Junior: Miss Red, may I go see Mr. Pascal?

Me: What’s wrong?

F. J. : The letter s isn’t working on my laptop and I have two papers due tomorrow.

Me: That counts as an emergency. [Handing him a pass] Go forth.

* * * * * * *

Fr. Gonzales: We’re supposed to be fasting.

Mr. L-S-L-N: But we can’t waste food, either. And we’ve already been to mass today.

Me: [silently] I’m so happy to be a Protestant!

Several parents had sent cakes, cookies, a cheese and cold-cut tray and other things for the faculty.

* * * * * * * * *

MR. L-S-L-N: I hope that’s the Christmas tree.

Me [peering at the mound of shrubbery moving against the wind in the pre-dawn light]: As do I.

It was.

* * * * * * * * *

Sr. Mary Conjugation: Miss Red?

Me [braced at attention]: Yes, Sister?

Sr. M. C.: I need to use your classroom to administer a final. Is there anything I need to be aware of?

Me: No, Sister.

Sr. M. C.: Do you have any need of the room immediately following the exam period?

Me: No, Sister. [silently] Not anymore.

I spent the afternoon cleaning, polishing, and generally tidying up the room. No, it wasn’t bad, but this is Sister Mary Conjugation we’re talking about.

* * * * * * *

Mr. Bunsen [the new chemistry teacher]: Miss Red?

Me: Sir?

Mr. B: Why is everyone talking about the Christmas party?

Me: Because of the test, sir.

Mr. B: Test?

Me [nodding with great enthusiasm] The winner of the Christmas and Advent test gets a very nice prize. And phones and computers are not permitted. [Leaning closer] And Mr. Pascal’s making ribs again.

Mr. B: [eyes wide] Oh. I’ve heard stories about his meat. I will most certainly be there!

* * * * * * * *

Jaunty Junior: [in Czech] Merry Christmas, Miss Red!

Me: Danke. Fröliche Weihnachten!

Studious Senior {under his breath]: What was that about?

Frantic Sophomore: [whispering] It’s a code. I think he knows the class grade early.

Studious Senior: We’re in trouble.

They are all in a class that I team-teach with Mr. L-S-L-N.

12 thoughts on “Overheard in the Halls: Part 20

  1. When I attempted to post this on FB I got the message that it couldn’t be done because other people had previously marked it as containing abusive language? WTF?

    • I think they may have flagged WordPress, or maybe just anything that says Protestant or Catholic– I got the same over at The American Catholic when I tried to share George Washington’s reaction to Guy Fawks’ day.

  2. Brother V’s dirty got a big laugh ft from my wife, she who thinks we have no sense of humor, an interesting my puns are not considered funny. Peter had better not comment about a Bohemian Rhapsody.

  3. If it hadn’t been the Christmas tree, you could have christened it Birnam Wood, and renamed the school to Dunsinane.


    (@Psychokitteh: Me? Make a pun? About Bohemian Rhapsody? Why, sir, how could you be so suspicious? My Scara is Mouched, I tell you! If it ain’t fan, it’s dango!)

  4. Yes, a computer without a working S key definitely qualifies as an emergency. What is it, the fifth most common letter in the English language?

    The exchange about the mobile shrubbery was the best one, though. Shades of Lovecraft.

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