School Daze – Jan ’18

What are you doing?
Looking at my to-be-graded stacks. You?
Likewise. Care to join me on a raid of the chocolate stash in the workroom?

Miss Red: So, what happens if someone were to put a package of Thin-Stuff Mint Oreos™ in the workroom with a sign saying “thin mints” on it?

Sr. Botanica: Whatever the consequences, they would be justified in both secular and canon law.

Miss Red: Hmmmm….


The students just tackled a new, and very difficult, type of writing. With predictable results.

Miss Red: Any questions?

Concerned Student: Is it too late to drop out?

Miss Red: Yes, but Oscar Meyer announced that they are taking applications for drivers for the Weinermobile.

Farm Kid: And you can get a hardship license in Texas at age 15!

Smart-something Student [holding up paper]: This is a hardship.

Miss Red: [Turns to erase board and has coughing spell to cover laughter]


A group of faculty and staff are staring at something on a table in the workroom as I go to make copies.

Mr. Long-Slavic-Last Name: Sugar-free baklava?

Murmurs of concern and dismay. No one is touching the plate.

Mr. Leaper [assistant track coach]: What’s up? Oooh! Baklava, may I?

The faculty circle parts, he takes two pieces and hurries off to catch up with the 6th graders.

Mr. L-S-L-N: If he’s still with us in an hour, it’s safe.

(I left before anyone else ventured to try the pastry, but three hours later, the plate was empty.)


Furtive Freshman Girl: OK, here it is. [Holds up brown paper bag]

Secretive Staff Member: Good. [Hands freshman a twenty, takes bag]

Later on I catch the freshman.

Miss Red: Question?

Furtive Freshman: [Gulps] Yess, Miss Red.

Miss Red: Smores, Caramel D’lites, or [lowers voice] Thin Mints?

Furtive Freshmen [equally quiet] Thin Mints and caramel.


Irked Junior: Hey, that’s terrible!

Fr. Romanus [passing by in passing period]: Homework problem? Scheduling disaster?

I. J.: No, sir. Lent starts on Valentine’s Day! Who schedules the Liturgical Calendar, anyway? I want to complain.

Students and faculty: [A burst of guffaws, chuckles, and sighs of commiseration]

Fr. Romanus [pointing to collar]: Complain to my boss.


12 thoughts on “School Daze – Jan ’18

  1. I pointed out that Ash Wednesday was Valentine’s Day just the other day to my girlfriend. She pointed out in turn that you probably shouldn’t celebrate a holiday which goes by the initials VD.

  2. And Easter this year falls on April Fool’s Day. That’s a colossal set of jokes for both ends … but Fr. Romanus would add a lot of corporal acts of mercy to my penance.

    GS cookies and my own chocolate toffee chip cookies – it’s amazing how far they move you up on the unofficial priority at work. Everything works better with chocolate, right?

    • Not always. One student’s dad is a master pastry chef, and the family gave the staff an enormous apple-filled pastry one year at Christmas. And it was very, very, very good.

  3. Fish is your friend….

    Seriously, there are cuisine traditions for Lent in all countries that observe it, as well as for the Ember Days of yore. You’re allowed to eat something good and wholesome; it’s just not supposed to be over the top.

    And given how much stricter Lent used to be in the West (smooshed peas substituting for butter, for instance), the cooks had to be creative.

Comments are closed.