Do You Have Flamingo Insurance?

No? Oh dear. Tsk, tsk.

This is why you need insurance.

Someone living on my route to rehearsal failed to get insurance. They came home to find at least fifty pink plastic flamingos all staring at their front door, with a sign informing the world about the charity fundraiser in progress. It is a bit hard to hide several dozen pink flamingos from the neighbors.

Even museums are not immune during flamingo season:

Why yes, they can get tackier! Or more creative.

For those of you scratching you heads and wondering if Americans are all nuts, or just Texans, I actually learned about flamingo insurance in the Midwest. The church youth were raising funds for something, and you could buy insurance. People could also pay to have someone else inundated with flamingos, and if their bid topped the amount paid for insurance, guess what? For a small fee the youth would relieve you of your infestation, should you be so afflicted.

I stepped out of my apartment one morning and found 24 flamingos. This was a problem. The landlord had a minimal sense of humor, and the town where I lived had even less as far as unapproved things-in-yards (windmills and lighthouses were OK. Flamingos were not.) I ended up loading all of them into the back of my car and going to work, then calling the youth sponsor and taking them to the church on my lunch hour. She was quite apologetic, because they had not thought about 1) apartment houses and 2) out-of-town rules. No harm, no fowl [preemptive pun, yes] and I paid her the removal fee and went back to work.

Institutional policies are also available. Don’t let this happen to your alma mater!


18 thoughts on “Do You Have Flamingo Insurance?

  1. Huh. Removal fee? Fat chance! If I woke up to find my lawn full of pink plastic flamingos, I’d cart them all down to the shooting range and have a pleasant morning’s entertainment with my shotgun. One always needs targets, after all. The people responsible for putting them on my lawn could collect their riddled remains from the local dump, if they still wanted them!

    • I’m with you – anything put on MY lawn becomes MINE!
      As far as HOAs, and town rules, I try to avoid living in places that have any. Besides, the only place off my property my lawn (part, not all) can be seen from is the next ridge half a mile away. Who would even know if flamingos had or had not been put in it?
      I like using old election signs as targets, but flamingos would be even better as long as they were cheap (and free is, of course, the best kind of cheap).

    • Why move them? They are already set up as a realistic (for certain values of realistic target in their natural environment. Can’t ask for better practice than that!

  2. Aye, into the recycle bin they’d go. They have a problem with a “need” to replace them? They were left on property, therfore qualifying as gifts and changing the ownership. The owner disposed as saw fit.

  3. There’s another solution. The village of Southwest Harbor, ME holds an annual Flamingo Festival in mid-July. Everything pink, everything pink flamingo, everywhere for two weeks either side of the event. Until his recent passing, the creator of the pink flamingo was the perpetual Grand Marshal (driven at the head of the parade in a pink Cadillac, of course). Have a “sponsor the birds” drive, to fly them home for summer.

    MAGA birds? Now that’s an interesting set to send. Opinion would be split between horrified coastal liberals and delighted fishermen and ornery folks. “Ayuh. Something different.”

  4. I’m surprised at you two, Orvan and Peter. You’ve got to have a sense of humor about these things. My father in law had 60 flamingos appear on his yard the morning of his 60th birthday. They disappeared that following night. Yes, there’s a service for that. Besides, flamingos are generally better than bake sale fruitcake.

    • Good Sir, that IS my sense of humor. If I were mean, I would have coated them with a mixture of dimethyl sulfoxide and phenolphthalein and waited for them to be reclaimed. And I *like* fruitcake.

      • That is, I can apply a lesson gently, or I can apply it harshly.
        And that’s not considering what might happen should something actually manage to cause anger.
        That is… doesn’t bear thinking about.

  5. Love this! Do you happen to know if any Austin churches are selling “flamingo insurance?” I would pay quite a lot to have one of our neighbors inundated with flamingos.

    • I don’t know. The current flamingo outbreak here is thanks to a local charity fundraising effort. Woodlawn Baptist had one back in March, so you might inquire with them if they know of any ongoing efforts. They are at www DOT woodlawnbc DOT org

  6. Snerk… I know they don’t do that in Florida, those people do it to THEMSELVES!!! And are PROUD of it!

  7. The creator of the yard flamingo was a great American.

    His Home Owners Association became overrun with petty tyrants, the way such things often are. They published an draconian list of things forbidden to be displayed outside of the house, and a much smaller list of things that were allowed. Included on the second list, were “statues of birds”.
    He happened to own a plastic casting factory, and decided to stay at work late after getting the news from his irate wife.
    The next morning, the first flock of plastic flamingos was seen in his yard.
    History does not record the reactions of the HOA, but I like to think that their conniption fits were fatal.

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