I was hunting through the drawers in the bathroom I share with Athena T. Cat. You see, I recently got a new hairbrush because Olde Faithful had started shedding bristles after a decade or so. I ended up with two, because the handle on my back-up brush broke. Some days are like that.
Anyway, much hunting produces no fancy brush. So I went and found Mom.
Me: “Ah, Mom, question.”
Mom: [Looking up from sewing machine] “Yes?”
Me: “Have you seen my hairbrush? Black, roundish, palm-sized?”
Mom: “Second drawer under the spare blankets.”
Me: “That’s the cat’s drawer.” We keep her medicines, brushes, spare collars, et al there.
Mom: “She really likes the new brush. The little knobs get deep into her fur without scratching, so I’ve been using it.”
Me: “OK, thanks.” [Silently] Whimper, whimper, whimper.
Overheard in the Lunch Room last week (Note: there’s no campaigning for the position being discussed):
Guy 1: “So, who do you think will be Mr. St. Angus?”
Guy 2: “Not me. No one would vote for me.” [Not really true, but the odds are on a senior]
Guy 1: “Why not?”
Dude: “You didn’t spend enough on your campaign.”
Guy 2: “Oh yeah. Two pennies and some pocket fuzz and a cough drop don’t go far.”
Dude 2: [leans forward, very serious, having finished his mouthful] “It was buying the vegan pizza for everyone. That tofu mozzarella cost you a lot of votes.”
Table roars with laughter. Chorus of “ick!” “That sounds horrible!” “Man, the cheese is what makes it edible.”
Guy 2: [makes a horrible face] “That sounds worse than pineapple on pizza!”
From last semester:
Miss Red: ” . . . and by this point in the Dynasty, many functions of Chinese court and government had been taken over by eunuchs.”
Voice from the Back of the Room: “Linux runs better.”
Class roars with laughter.
Miss Red: [Trying to keep a straight face] “Ubuntu stop right here. Or else you’re going out in the hall to talk with a penguin.”
Sidekick from Back of the Room: “Toss him out the window.”
Miss Red: [after laughter dies] “Right. Going back to the late Ming Dynasty . . .”
Thus far I’ve been able to win all the pun wars, but sometimes it’s been a challenge.