Dear Politician 2

Dear Politician,

I see you failed to read my earlier discussion of your vices, flaws, and the irritating behaviors you insist on persisting in. Might I add a few others for you to remove from your list, should you be serious about obtaining my interest/vote/pelf?

Stop saying that it is your turn. “It’s my turn” works on the playground, sometimes. It is unseemly and annoying in theoretically-grown-ups. Your spouse once held that position? Nice to know. Your sibling or parent “served” in the government and so you feel that you should to? A good therapist or a whack with a clue-by-four can help with that misperception, or so I’m told. Unless you are the vice president or Lt. Governor and the chief-of-state had just become incapacitated, it is never your turn. You have no right to an elected office simply through marriage or genetic condition. If you feel otherwise, you might try to marry into a European noble family and see if it works there.

Nor is it “Time to have a _______ in the White House/Congress/Governor’s Mansion/papacy.” OK, it is probably appropriate to insist on having a Roman Catholic as pope, but otherwise . . . no. It is always time to have a competent, thoughtful (but not indecisive), gracious individual with a good dollop of common sense in office. It is never “time” to have a person stuck into a position simply because he/she/whatever looks different from previous office holders, beauty pageants perhaps excepted. Personally, I feel it is high time to have a green furry creature who lives in a garbage can elected to office (or appointed press secretary), but that is an opinion based on the merits of the individual, not his green and fuzzy-ness.

Thirdly, shush! Every time I see you more than three weeks before the primaries, you lose more of my support. Two years before the election is far too long to start schmoozing, politicing, clogging the roads with tour busses, and holding political rallies that bollix traffic and interfere with airline flights. Go home, politician, go home. Get off my TV and internet. Go read history, or volunteer at the animal shelter, or *gasp* do what you are currently in office to do. And stop calling my house asking for $$, or for me to stuff envelopes. Next time I’m going to tell your paid caller just what they can do with you and your envelope. Two years before the next election, political candidates should be neither seen nor heard.

Go home, candidate, go home.

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